he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just pee around me
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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