ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
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...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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