He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
