you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
