where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
