at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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