Sry I called you an 8
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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