I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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