Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
