when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
