Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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