Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
