i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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