Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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