so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
