i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize