SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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