I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
