You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
