There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
