my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's shark week go big or go home
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My vagina just clenched in fear
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
