I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
