Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
