Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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