Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
