dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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