Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize