I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
