i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I did not marry a roomba.
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