i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
