If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
there's paper in my vomit.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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