she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
