This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
