Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
