I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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