at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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