In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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