FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
