I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
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Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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