I wanna bring you to show and tell
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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