she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
