and next time when you feel me up, do it right
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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