haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
