cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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