You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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