my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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