not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
