i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
