Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
