You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
