So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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