I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
