nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
