im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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