i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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