I wish I could punch you in the face.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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