Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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