Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
