I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
