So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
