you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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