drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
