i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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