I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
