Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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