I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dignity is for republicans.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Randomize
