i barfeds in our rink
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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