I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
