Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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