I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
