That's when you crack a 10am beer
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
