You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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