At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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