the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
