found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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