I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
