I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My vagina just recognized that song.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
