Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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