I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
In America we eat man semen.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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