i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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